Jai Ramakrishna
(Below are some of the most inspiring incidents in the life of Swami Vivekananda, in his own words)
‘But notwithstanding these forced atheistic views, the vivid memory of the divine visions I had experienced since my boyhood, and especially after my contact with Shri Ramakrishna, would lead me to think that God must exist and that there must be some way to realize Him. Otherwise life would be meaningless. In the midst of all troubles and tribulations I must find that way.
Days passed, and the mind continued to waver between doubt and certainty. My pecuniary wants also remained just the same.
‘The summer was over, and the rains set in. The search for a job still went on. One evening after a whole day’s fast and exposure to rain I was returning home with tired limbs and a jaded mind; overpowered with exhaustion and unable to move a step forward, I sank down on the outer plinth of a house on the roadside.
I can’t say whether I was insensible for a time or not. Various thoughts crowded in on my mind, and I was too weak to drive them off and fix my attention on a particular thing.
Suddenly I felt as if by some divine power the coverings of my soul were removed one after another. All my former doubts regarding the co-existence of divine justice and mercy, and the presence of misery in the creation of a Blissful Providence, were automatically solved. By a deep introspection I found the meaning of it all and was satisfied.
As I proceeded homewards I found there was no trace of fatigue in the body and the mind was refreshed with wonderful strength and peace. The night was well-nigh over.
‘Henceforth I became deaf to the praise and blame of worldly people. I was convinced that I was not born like humdrum people to earn money and maintain my family, much less to strive for sense-pleasure.
I began secretly to prepare myself to renounce the world like my grandfather. I fixed a day for the purpose and was glad to hear that the Master was to come to Calcutta that very day. “It is lucky”, I thought, “I shall leave the world with the blessing of my Guru”.
As soon as I met the Master, he pressed me hard to spend that night with him at Dakshineswar. I made various excuses, but to no purpose. I had to accompany him. There was not much talk in the carriage.
Reaching Dakshineswar I was seated for some time in his room along with others, when he went into a trance. Presently he drew near me and touching me with great tenderness, began to sing a song with tears in his eyes.
I had repressed my feelings so long, but now they overflowed in tears. The meaning of the song was too apparent—he knew of my intentions. The audience marvelled at this exchange of feeling between us.
When the Master regained his normal mood, some of them asked him the reason of it and he replied with a smile, “Oh, it is something between him and me”.
Then at night he dismissed the others and calling me to his side said, “I know you have come for the Mother’s work, and won’t be able to remain in the world. But for my sake, stay as long as I live”. Saying this he burst into tears again.
The next day with his permission I returned home.
A thousands thoughts about the maintenance of the family assailed me. I began to look about again for a living By working in an attorney’s office and translating a few books, I got just enough means to live from hand to mouth, but it was not permanent, and there was no fixed income to maintain my mother and brothers…
